It’s funny how, once upon a time with a deadline, I could manage roughly 6 pages a day, or more. Now, my first and only six pages seem to sit there, staring…and judging.
Even so, I am not going to begrudge myself a small start, because at least it is A start. I have finally, at long EFFIN LAST, committed to a (general, mosty-developed-but-open-to-minor-change) plot that I like, with characters I believe, and DAMN if that doesn’t feel good.
Sure, I may “waste” 5 hours at a time looking at pictures on Google of friendship necklaces, and junker camper vans, and tourist sites for my locations, but if that helps me to know what the hell I’m doing later, it is time well…spent? Well wasted? Either way, Well Done, Me.
Though I am surprised to find myself struggling to find my footing after the beast of a script last time around (it maxed at 122 pages), I am not discouraged. It was last May that I handed in my last script, and since then the idea of writing a second has been just that…an idea.
Maybe it’s because I have zero experience spec writing, though I am familiar with what it entails. Maybe it’s because I am so boooored with a lot of what I see that I haven’t been inspired. Mostly, it’s because I am of the mindset that if I don’t want to watch something, I don’t want to write it…so I had to take my time to figure out what I’d want to see on screen that someone with my style of writing could pull off.
That, at least, sounds more impressive (albeit 100x more pretentious than) the cold, hard facts. When it comes to my own writing (narrative or for the screen), I have a terrible habit of procrastination when lacking the mind-numbing terror that comes from having a looming deadline.
Without the horror of facing failure should I fail to produce a complete script in 16 weeks (…I did it in 12. UNF…), I just…drag my feet. I get lost in the dangerous habit of putting it off “til tomorrow,” or getting caught up in “research” (looking at pretty pictures and drawing terrible stick-figure thumbnails).
All this to say, judgmental inner screenwriter be damned. Those 6 pages may not be my most impressive page count, but it is more than I’ve managed since last May, so I’m counting that as a win.